


find a reason not to leave

by Wyverwithy



Series: songs gone unsung [3]
Category: Tailchaser's Song - Tad Williams
Genre: (that never come to fruition), Blood, Brother-Sister Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Healing, Melancholy, Plans For The Future, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Short, Siblings, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wyverwithy/pseuds/Wyverwithy
Summary: "I wandered far afield, usually alone. Sometimes I would take my little nest-brother, Snufflenose. He was one of the few Forest-Light Folk whose company I cared for."
Relationships: Firsa Roofshadow & Snufflenose, Firsa Roofshadow/Fritti Tailchaser
Series: songs gone unsung [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046587
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminiscing.

“I want to travel the world, some day.”

The broken silence startled Roofshadow out of her reverie. She tore her eyes away from the stretching grassy fields to look down at her nest-brother, whose gaze was tracing the horizon. His gray-and-white patchy fur ruffled gently in the evening breeze.

“Oh? It seems we share the same dream,” she replied, looking forward again. “Anywhere in particular?”

Snufflenose paused at this. She waited patiently for him to answer, watching as a flock of fla-fa’az flew overhead. Too soon, they disappeared into the canopy behind them, and she had to withhold a disappointed sigh.

“...Firsthome,” he eventually said. “I’d like to go to Firsthome. I’d like to meet the royal family.”

“To the Seat of Sunback? That’s very far.”

“I could make it.” His tone took on a slightly irritable edge. When he glanced over at her, though, his expression softened. Roofshadow huffed softly and licked his ear. He leaned into the contact warmly. “...Sorry.”

She knew why he reacted the way he did. He expected her to undermine him, as the rest of the Forest-Light clan had. And a part of her wanted to. The temptation to wrap a paw around him and hold him close, keep him from hurting himself, curled itself in her chest like a knot of thorns. But she knew better.

When she pulled away, she made it a point to look away from him, then. “I know you could. I wouldn’t expect any less.”

Snufflenose was born ill, and he wouldn’t get better. Not when the Elders could smell it from him since his Naming. But Roofshadow would do everything in her power to treat him as an equal, and to make others do the same.

He was the most important thing in the world to her. Not that she’d ever admit it.

“What about you?” he asked, cocking his head. “Where would you like to go?”

She took a moment to mull this over. She never truly thought about it. All she knew was that this place was suffocating--too many cats, too many trees. She wanted to go…  _ away. _ Wherever her paws would guide her, however Meerclar would call her.

It seemed obvious, then, what her choice would be. She smiled a little at the thought. “I’ve heard the Sunsnest Plains are beautiful. Similar to this field, but so much larger.”

“That’s the place Meerclar made the sun, right? I heard that from one of Blueruffle’s stories.”

“Exactly right, fri’cu.”

Snufflenose suddenly hopped up onto his paws and trotted in front of her, eyes bright and smile wide. “Then after I visit Firsthome, I’ll come see you! And you can sing me all sorts of songs about the mysteries there! And I can tell you all about how cool the Court is!”

She chuckled. She leaned forward and patted his head with her paw, whiskers twitching good-naturedly. “It’s a deal.”

He batted at her paw, giggling, before headbutting into her chest. She laid her chin on his forehead, purring softly.

“Hey, Firsa?”

“Yes, Navu?”

He nuzzled into her fur. “You could’ve gone away by now, but you haven’t. I’m glad you’re here with me. I’m glad you bothered to wait.”

Roofshadow’s chest ached. She pulled her little brother closer, letting his presence ground her. She was not sure why his words affected her the way they did, but she let them wash over her in a comforting, melancholic wave. “As am I,” she replied quietly. “I’m glad you’re here, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fla-fa'az, bird(s)  
> fri'cu, little brother
> 
> \--
> 
> Roofshadow had a hard past that i think about a lot. also Snufflenose was given a heart-name, just to add to the closeness between them. they were siblings, after all, and i imagine for those first few months before their Naming, litters just refer to each other by their heart-names lol. i also made it so he was chronically ill, because i love projecting onto characters that were only mentioned in a single page.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hazy.

She finds him alone by the gnarled roots of a tree. One she remembers teaching him to climb up, once. She can still see the claw marks permanently scarred into the bark. Small gashes, right next to her own larger ones.

He’s so small.

As the runt of the litter, he always was. But now that Roofshadow looks at him, it couldn’t be any more painfully obvious.

He’s splayed out. Claws unsheathed and stained with blood. His mouth is open in a soundless cry, eyes wide, fur matted and torn. She tries not to look at his throat. Tries not to focus on the crimson pooled around his head in a halo. Can only think about how he’s so _small,_ barely half her size. How she’d never seen this sort of frozen terror on his face before now. How she wishes she never had to see it.

“Snufflenose.” His name comes, unbidden, as a croak from her throat. She barely recognizes her own voice.

“Navu,” she pleads, and she doesn’t know why she’s trying. But maybe, maybe if she prays hard enough, Meerclar will be merciful. Maybe her brother will hear his name and be reminded to breathe.

He doesn’t respond. His flanks aren’t moving. It feels like her rib cage is collapsing in on itself.

She feels a weight on her shoulder. Someone, one of the few survivors, is trying to drag her away. Her mind is a haze, but _she can’t leave him._ She lashes out. Her claws sink into flesh. They recoil away from her. She’s alone again, alone with Snufflenose, and all she can do is cry his name like a mewling kit, begging him to just _wake up. Please. Please, wake up._ If only she'd stayed with him, if only she'd come back sooner, _if only, if only, if only._

She buries her nose into his check. His scent is faint, covered by something more recent. Earthy. Metallic. Cat-like, but not enough to belong to a member of the Folk.

As if any cat could do something as monstrous as this.

Her grief ebbs away and hardens into something colder in her chest as she pulls back. She stares down at her brother’s body. With a trembling paw, she reaches forward and closes his eyes, shutting his jaw. He almost looks peaceful. The nausea lessens its hold on her. The world around her is a buzz of white noise. 

She knows what she must do. She doesn’t name the location, though she knows it like it’s her lifeblood. The burning anger and despair threatens to choke her at the thought. _He_ should’ve been the one to go there. _He_ should’ve been the one to tell her what lay at the foot of the Queen. It wasn’t _fair._

It’s already morning. Time is fragmented, inconsequential. She pauses in a stretching field. One all-too familiar. And she screams at Meerclar’s creation, its being bright and holy and glaringly hot, a pledge: _by the tails of the Firstborn, whoever--or_ **_whatever_ ** _\--did this… is going to pay. By her paws._

The thought solidifies itself, morphing into a white-hot flame. She slinks away. Northward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think roofshadow should have been given a more solid revenge arc than just.....a one-off line. she mentioned having a score to settle and then never got to do anything with it...The Agony.....


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peace.

“It’s beautiful.”

Roofshadow can only breathe the words, eyes wide. The flat plain stretches out before her. The tall grass sways in the breeze, creating a wave that mesmerizes her. The sun hangs above, bright. Warm. Welcoming.

Tailchaser gives her a fond smile, following her gaze. He leans against her, twining his tail with hers, and she happily accepts the contact. “Pounce and I travelled here on our way to Firsthome.” he says, tone light. “Eatbugs accompanied us, too. It’s very large.”

She says nothing. Only reaches forward and brushes a blade of grass with her paw. The softness to it almost startles her.

“Meerclar--she nursed the _an_ here, didn’t she?”

“Hence the name.” Fritti pulls away to tilt his head at her, eyes questioning. “You never told me why you wanted to come here. Just that you needed to.”

Roofshadow hesitates. The instinct to shake the question off, to immediately switch to another topic, is overwhelming. But… she’s past closing herself off. Especially to the tom she’d given her heart-name to, and one she’d dragged out of Firsthome to a place without explanation. She inhales slowly, trying to find the words. Kitten steps.

“The Forest-Light clan was located very deep in Rootwood, E’a. I told you before, that I didn’t like company that much.” Tailchaser nods. She continues, “This place was the complete opposite of that. I heard stories of how open it was. I suppose I just craved freedom.”

A pause settles between them. Then, after a moment of studying her, he murmurs, “That isn’t all, though.”

Skydancer’s whiskers, it’s unfortunate he’s gotten so good at reading her... She sighs. “No, you’re right.” She swallows back the lump in her throat. “My brother, Snufflenose, and I… planned to travel the world. He would go to Firsthome, and I would come here. But, then…”

“I vowed to destroy whoever had killed him. That has been the only thing on my mind for so long, and now…” She doesn’t realize she’s shuddering until Tailchaser leans into her again. “I don’t know why I’m here. I just know I needed to see this place for myself.”

“I’m not complaining,” he says, giving her a nudge. “Harar, I travelled half away across these lands just to see a fela who wanted nothing to do with me! Wherever you go, I follow. But only if you want me to.”

Roofshadow gives him a small smile, a wave of relief and fondness washing over her. It’s hard to imagine that she’d only seen him as an overactive kitling several Eyes ago. She gives him a brief lick on the cheek and huffs, trying and failing to fight off the overwhelming affection blooming in her chest.

Then, a memory comes, chasing away the warmth all too quickly. She says quietly, “I never buried him.”

A pause. 

“...We can.”

She gives him a wide-eyed look. “Now?”

Her mate nods, smiling gently. “Why not?”

“I am not travelling _days_ to find his--”

“No! No, no, that’s not what I meant!” He hastily lays his paw on hers, and she relaxes at the comforting gesture. “Just… a spiritual burial. To lay him to rest, and put you at peace. We did that a lot back in Vastnir.”

The mention of Hearteater’s domain sends a chill down her spine. Nevermind the fact that Tailchaser said that so _offhandedly._ Roofshadow bites down the urge to push him on it--there will be another time and place for that--and nods slowly. “I doubt our burial practices are akin to your clan’s, though.”

“You can show me yours, then,” he says genuinely. “Just tell me what to do and how, and I’ll do it.”

What did she do to deserve him? She bumps her forehead into his. He leans into her contact, and the two stay like that, taking in each other’s warmth. The ache of grief that had gripped her for so long felt lighter, then.

“Thank you, Fritti.”

“Anything for you, Firsa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an, sun  
> E'a, south  
> fela, female  
> \--  
> can you tell i dont know how to write romance lol but anyway i adore these two. they deserve to heal
> 
> thank you for reading!!


End file.
